Crazy Girl
And then I shrugged and said exactly what I really thought
And she turned away
"You're crazy, girl"
And I turned and tugged on his arm and I told him what I really want to do
And he laughed
"You're crazy, girl"
And then I screamed loudly at the sky and he stared coldly down
"You're crazy, girl"
And I sat and talked to myself, trying to reestablish who I am
What I want and why
Where I'm going and when
How far I'm willing to go and what I'll risk and why
And I laughed dryly and shook my tired head
"I'm a crazy girl"
From David
Because many of you probably don't read David's blog, I copied this and will post it here. YES, it is also my opinion, and NO, I couldn't have said it better, and YES, that's why I stole it from him. Read and consider the following.
"Liberal refers to people who believe that society can be changed for the better, and that government can be used as an instrument of such change. A liberal does not feel constrained by established, traditional, or orthodox attitudes. They are not interested in How was it done in the past?, it is about How can it be done better now?. Very simply, a liberal is someone who believes that society is advancing towards a better state, and that humans can help that along. In its true definition, it is applied to people who favor progress and reforms in politics, government, and education which tend towards personal liberty and freedom.
Conservative refers to people who have a much more "realistic" viewpoint: money rules; greed, not altruism, is what really drives human behavior; and human nature is so powerful that society can never be changed (except to strengthen the institutionalization of greed). Someone who's conservative favors traditional views and values, tending to oppose change. This tends towards litigation and law-making about issues which the government or people face.
Note that neither of these definitions have anything to do with why many Christians today identify themselves as conservative! There's a reason for that. Neither of these terms has anything to do with religion, or faith, or abortion, or guns, or war."
A Musical Summer Night's Dream
The show opened yesterday evening, and the crowd loved it. Now that I've established that (and yes, I doubted the show before), come out to the glade at the college and see our show for free! Tonight at five.... five pm. Yup. Come on out; you'll laugh, you'll gasp, and you might even shriek. They've worked hard on it, and it's really very amusing.
*looks around*
Well, that's all, folks. Go on home.
Remembering
you reminded her so much of your father so you were banished and you wonder why you're so hypersensitive and why you can't trust anyone but us but then how can i begin to forgive her so many years under bridges with dirty water she was foolish and selfish and cowardly if you ask me
--Alanis Morissette, "The Couch"
Quick Update
All right, so I'm extremely busy. I'm working forty hours a week, stage managing a play, and packing to move. In between those times, I'm learning to drive.
So next time you wonder where I am, give me a call and I'll TELL YOU. Don't just mutter under your breath, judging me, deciding my fate, assuming my motives. That's the most irritating, childish thing you could do, and you aren't, so don't. I mean it, just don't.
For those who don't know... Now you know.
Last night I had rehearsal, and tonight I went on the wine train for my work.
Yeah, it was actually part of my job. Interesting, huh? In any case, that's why I wasn't where you were....
Well...
I mean, it's blue again. That should comfort my oldest fans. *looks around nervously*
As Requested
As you requested, the blog has a new look. Now for another vote:
DO YA LIKE IT??
Urg.
Just got of work... Because of unusual and unfortunate circumstances, they needed me to work today... and a good thing I did, too. It was a MADHOUSE. I don't ever remember it being that bad. Of course, my brain might have had mercy on me and let me forget, in which case I won't ask of God why He sent a blessing. *sighs*
Rubber Shakespeare
Yeah. Ben says "Hey, I wonder if they have a rubber duckie Shakespeare," touching on two things I love. What'dya know?
Time for the Vote
All right. Don't know if anyone really reads my blog anymore, but if you do, and if you still care, answer me this:
IS IT TIME FOR A BLOG MAKEOVER?
Kat requested one, so come on, people. What do you think?
On Being Sick
Here's how I feel:
Here's how I feel about not having to go to work (think Calvin, of Calvin and Hobbes):
"Perfect," Alanis Morissette
Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him, compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying?
Be a good boy
Push a little harder now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect
"We Never Change," Coldplay
I want to live life, and never be cruel
I wanna live life, and be good to you
And i wanna fly
I'll never come down
And live my life
And have friends around
We never change do we no, no
We never learn do we
So i wanna live, in a wooden house
I wanna live life, and always be true
I wanna live life, and be good to you
And i wanna fly
But never come down
And live my life
And have friends around
We never change do we
We never learn do we
So i wanna live in a wooden house
And making more friends would be easy
Oh, and i don't have a soul to save
Yes and i sin every single day
We never change do we
We never learn do we
So i want to live in a wooden house
Where making more friends would be easy
I wanna live where the sun comes out
And then there was David, who's still on my wavelength....
While I was writing that post, this was his away message. Kid blows my mind.
"well i guess i've changed but yeah, couldn't you
given all that we've been through
heaven knows i've been around and around ..."
Something's missing.... Oh, right..... You. You're missing.
Yeah, so maybe it's time for another round of self-pity... First, though, an apology.
I'm sorry to everyone who's so completely disappointed in me. I'm sorry I didn't become everything I promised I would; whether you're mad at me for not knowing what I want to do with my life or worried sick because I've "fallen from grace," I'm sorry. I really am. I'm living this stupid life of mine one decision at a time, and so far, I'm doing the best I can. You go ahead and tell me that I'm ignoring the advice of my elders, my opportunities to succeed, and yeah, you're right, 'cause hey, I could be in Boston engaged to a nice Pentecostal boy right about now, couldn't I? Yeah, I could. Sure could've.
But didn't. And while I'm sorry to have let you down, one of these days, you've gotta let go of what I was "supposed to be" and either decide you're still in this thing or not, and quite frankly, if you choose to cut me loose, good riddance. If you can't see past this, or if you don't WANT to, fine. If you're so convinced that it would damage YOUR moral fiber to still love me the way you used to, then please, by all means, protect your sanctity and leave me be. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you, either.
As for being upset that I'm "not doing anything with my life," how about work? I have a great job... ten bucks an hour, and I'm learning more than I ever wanted to know about how to treat people with respect and consideration. I bet I'm nicer than you are, these days. Hard to believe, but watch me in action and you'll see it's true. Psh. Furthermore, I have been ahead my ENTIRE LIFE. I started college at fourteen. Don't you think it's okay if I take a slight break to catch my breath, look around, get my bearings, before I start hiking? Maybe life takes a little more perspective than I have. If you think I ought to see everything so clearly, let's talk about where you were at my age, and unless you were working with Mahatma Ghandi and company, then shut up.
And also, I hate it when I miss people who don't care about me. Yesterday was miserable because the kids at rehearsal were learning to hip-hop and break dance, and who did I think of? Yup. Jinxy, Justin, the Devil himself. What's worse? There was this funny ache in my head and in my chest, and I realized that it was from missing him. I do miss him. I miss the interaction. No one TALKS to me these days. I mean, except for my three or four... I just don't have conversations like I used to, and I think my brain is turning to mush. No one wants to challenge me to a duel, convince me to think a little outside the box, ask me to question my own head.... No one. In odd ways, I'm lonely. I mean, I'm really happy; I like my life, and there's not a whole lot I'd change about it, but there are a handful of people I miss acutely. The sad thing is, they don't miss me, and I would be quite surprised if they thought of me at all, considering that all but one of them didn't think about me at ALL except when I was around. Hey, when I was around, I was quite important, though. Very. Had me going... I actually thought they cared. (See, there I go being all self-centered again, but I truly am frustrated.)
I dunno. Part of me just wants to cut a lot of ties (mentally, that is) and get on with things, and the other part of me is screaming to go through my phone book and get back in touch with everybody.
I have a lot of loose ends, relationships (friends and otherwise) that never warranted an explanation or a goodbye, and I want closure... NOW. I'm gonna make it myself if I can't get it any other way.
"Don't waste your time on me
You're already the voice inside my head
I miss you, I miss you"
