Musings
I originally intended this to be posted on Brian's blog, but then I realized that he can't publish the post if he's in Israel. In the meantime, I'll post it here. Feel free to comment.I was sitting out front of Starbucks in North Napa with Brian a few days ago and we were talking about how this town just infuses me (and nearly the entire population) with severe apathy. I feel like a debilitated pothead even though I've never smoked in my life. "Yeah, I'm gonna get up and do such and such. I've got big plans to do this and that..." "What are you doing now?" "Um... I'm getting into yoga and kickboxing.... I, uh, read a new book..."
I used to be a student-a-holic. I was in college for five years. I'm twenty. In reality, I'm only taking a break, but I feel so worthless. I mean, not like I'm a worthless being, but rather like I'm sitting on the surface of the planet taking up valuable space. Talking to Brian made me feel a little worse about it (although overall he improved my morale 110%). He's got so much he's doing; so much is happening in his world. I wonder if my apathy is based more on where I live or who I am... Is it a coincidence that no one in this town seems to be accomplishing anything at all?
Last night I walked by a sandwich shop on Telegraph in Berkeley, and sitting back in the corner was a friend of mine from my first few years of college. He didn't see me, and I realized that the reason I wasn't going in to talk to him was that I'd feel almost as though I had nothing to say.
IMAGINED CONVERSATION:
Ryan: So how are things? What have you been up to?
Emma: Well, last semester I directed a play. It, uh, went really well. It was truly good. And then I got a call from Dreamweavers asking me to direct their season.
Ryan: WOW! That's wonderful!
Emma: Yeah, but I uh, declined. You know, work and all. Plus I'm sort of, you know, taking a break.
*Ryan nods. An awkward silence follows.*
Emma: So... what are you doing?
Ryan: Me? Oh, nothing too big. Even though I'm a PoliSci major, I've recently been credited with discovering the cure for cancer. I'm next in line to be the President of the United States, so obviously I'll end the war on terrorism, 'cause you know, that sort of sucks. And then who knows? Maybe I'll talk to Donald Trump about his hair. The world awaits.
BACK TO THE POST
So that's what I feel like lately. I'm planning my wedding, though. Maybe that's part of it. Through it all, though, it feels like I've failed to notice something important.
3 Comments:
I feel like I need to say something brilliant here, but the basic problem with that is that I'm from Napa. Therefore, I'm probably incapable of being brilliant. However, I have just recently been called "ubercool" for the first time in my life and I got the WOW award at work, so all the doors in my house have been widened in order for me to fit through them. *ahem*
I, Kathryn Gooch, am accomplishing something. What might that something be? Survival. Which completely blows the whole fittest theory out of the water. Hah! If the grass is always greener in someone else's yard, maybe I should borrow their fertilizer. You know what makes that grass greener? Poop. Regular doses of it. Of course, there are two kinds of poop in life. There is the kind that we bring on ourselves and the kind that life donates. So I say embrace the donated poop. You'll turn green. And who doesn't like a green chick? (Just ingore the fact that the most famous green chick in history ended up smooshed under a house) *cough*
There's always Garrison's remedy for feeling blue - one aspirin crushed in a teaspoon of grape jelly and Vicks. Not combined of course. I mean, don't put the Vicks in the jelly. Yeah. That's bad. I know a woman who ATE Vicks when she was pregnant. It's a wonder that her child didn't come out looking like a eucalyptus tree.
Speaking of trees, I was listening to that BBC Radio recording of R&J that Ken did. Haught dawg. Why haven't they knighted that guy? Sheesh! Anyways, I was surprised at how much I know that one. It was the "Love is a smoke, etc." that clued me into that. My favorite part is definitely when Romy throws his little tantrum about flies being able to seize upon the white wonder of Juliet's hand. Ah, great great stuff. We're all drama queens, even if we won't admit it. I was thinking today about Anne talking to Marilla about Diana marrying Fred and how she says that Fred is "extremely good." Marilla asks her if she wants to marry a wicked man. Anne replies that she wouldn't like it if the man was really wicked, but she would like it if he could be wicked and wouldn't. Now, what that has to do with the white wonder of Juliet's hand, I'm not sure. Except that Anne had her share of donated poop. She also had cow trouble, but we won't get into that. I guess I should shut up now.
Daddy saw a license plate the other day: Napathy.
Kinda sums it up, doesn't it?
;)
Completely. That's brilliant.
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