*blinks twice, rapidly*
I know the real reason I haven't learned to drive... I'd get in the car and that'd be it for a week. I'd take my celly, answer, make sure people knew where I was, but I'd be gone. Gone gone gone. Me and my music, maybe one very close friend (one who knows how to let silence soothe like a hug from your favorite grown-up when you were six), plenty of food, and no particular destination.... Oh, get me out of here. Everything's perfect, it really is, but I don't care. I'm restless anyway.
Oh. Wow. It was only three days of school.... and it feels like forever. I can't remember what break felt like. I look back at the last three weeks, and it seems like they're from a different mind, like I was a different person when I lived them. So that makes no sense, but at least it's said.
I've had my mind bent in so many different directions over the past week that I'm starting to wonder what shape it was to begin with. There are a few people I want near me every minute so that I don't forget what they're supposed to be to me.... and others, there was never a doubt. I want my space, but I want to be with people all the time, too, which is a new experience for me. Some friends of mine are content to sit, leaned against me, just breathing, letting me be. Others (a very very few) demand constant attention, drama, advice, games, understanding and patience every moment of the day. Thank God most of the rest are a soft mix of the two.
Now I just have to be careful that the few people I rely on don't feel like I rely on them too heavily. I have that tendency; it's rare that I find people who are truly strong and truly want me to lean on them, so when I do, it's almost like I collapse in relief. Sorry, you few. I don't mean to, I'm aware of it, and I'm working to change a bit. Let's put it this way: if I'm running to you with all my problems, I have the highest opinion of you.... You're higher in my estimation than you know, most likely.
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